Proverbs 31:12

Next, we will look at verse 12 of Proverbs 31, another very vital one that will help any marriage. Since I have included an excerpt from a book written by Shirla Jones, it has turned into a quite lengthy devotion. I hope you will still take the time to read it in its entirety. Her book was a great help to me, as I know it will be for many others as well. :)

Proverbs 31:12

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

*Woman was created FOR the man: Genesis 2:18 "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

*We are an ‘help’ for him, created to help meet his needs, etc. This can also mean meeting his physical needs, even when we are not 'up to it'. In general, problems between a husband and wife revolve around three things: money, the children, and sex. I know that this is a sensitive subject for some, but it is a very vital part of any marriage. In the book, "The Virtuous Woman", by Mrs. Shirla Jones, there is an excerpt I would like to include in this devotion. As married women, or young women preparing for marriage, I believe it is very necessary information to know and learn. It is not in its entirety word for word, as I have used bits and pieces throughout the other parts of these devotions, but I have gleaned what I feel is the most useful information pertaining to this subject.

["God planned the intimate part of marriage before the fall! He created the woman for the man. Adam called her, "bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh..." Genesis 2:23
To become one with our husbands, our lives must be so intertwined that we can sense the needs of our husbands. Our sexual private life is just a part and expression of our deepest affection shown for each other. As we share that bed, we also share our deepest feelings and desires. We might share our fears and anxieties. There, in the quiet dark away from the rush of the day, we can express, safely, our innermost thoughts. We can freely express the love God has given each for the other.
Deliberate, conscientious preparation should be made to insure the bonding God intended. The virtuous woman prepares her spirit, mind, and body for her husband. As she begins her day, she prays, first submitting herself completely to the Lord. "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:7
The virtuous woman prepares her mind for her husband by thinking of his good qualities through her busy day. She might remember the last time they made love, and of the thrill and comfort they experienced.
The body is the last prepared. Before her husband's arrival home, this wise woman refreshes herself. She takes a bath, if necessary, combs her hair and brushes her teeth. If possible, a short rest is advisable. This is relaxing and refreshing. She is prepared for an enjoyable evening with her husband.
After she is personally prepared, she must provide privacy. Your children should have their own rooms and beds and never even expect to sleep with mother and daddy. It is better for your children to sacrifice privacy and convenience rather than for you and your husband. It is important that your husband is first (after the Lord, of course). He was first in your life and he should continue in that position after the children arrive and continue throughout your life. The children will be gone in a few years, and it will be you and your husband for many. I mention this because I have observed that the children's feelings and desires are sometimes allowed to come before the parent's.
It is time for bed and that special time alone. This may be a time of just reading, listening to a radio, stereo or just talking. You may desire a sexual experience or you may not. You may both be tired and just say, "I love you," and go to sleep.
Let's think about our part in the sexual experience. Sometimes we are the ones who initiate the lovemaking, sometimes, our husbands. It is good for our husbands to know that we enjoy them as much as they enjoy us! Our husbands enjoy touching and caressing just as we do. In lovemaking, we should express our love for our husbands just as we expect them to express their love for us. It should be a rare occasion that we refuse our husbands. "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Notice, in verse 5, God shows equal consideration for the husband and wife. Some have been incorrectly taught that sex is just for the man. God's Word teaches us differently. "...and thy desire shall be to thy husband..." Genesis 3:16
Our attitude about sex may be influenced by our background or an unhappy childhood experience. We may have a poor attitude, or a healthy attitude. Whatever our attitude, it should be conformed to God's Word. We should accept and enjoy this part of our life as fully as possible. "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled..." Hebrews 13:4
The virtuous woman is wise; she understands her husband. He is not always the greatest lover of the century but neither is she. Sometimes lovemaking is a brief experience, while at other times, it reaches absolute ecstasy. This wise woman understands that her husband's body and her own is not a machine that performs sexually the same every time. Health, fatigue, and emotional stress can affect our lovemaking. This virtuous woman is sensitive to these conditions.
She is never too old for sex. Her body will change but her mind and spirit remain the same. Because sex is an expression of love and oneness, it is ageless. The virtuous woman is good for her husband her whole life! Her love for her husband should grow deeper and mature as she matures.
The virtuous woman is valuable because her husband can trust her in all areas of their home."]

The statement about never being too old for sex reminds me of something Darren's grandmother told me once. She was at least in her 70's, and I don't recall how we were even on this subject, but she said, "Joe and I still enjoy sex. It may take a while, but we still enjoy it." It's funny in a way, but a blessing to know that we should be able to enjoy the physical part of marriage for many years. :)


*We are not created equal with men. We are referred to as the weaker vessel. 1 Peter 3:7 "...giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel.... " The man is weak, but we are weaker. Would you want to be equally as strong as your husband? Or stronger than him? Someone is going to be the weaker. It is our pride that makes us not want to be weaker than our husband.

*Marriage is not 50/50...it is 100/100!!! ...'all the days of her life.'
Ephesians 5:21-23 "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body."

*A worldly view is that the couple should share equally in the chores of the home. God only commands the young women to be ‘keepers at home”, not the man. (Titus 2:4-5)This philosophy began with the women’s liberation movement, when women wanted to be treated equally with men, and when women began working outside the home and were not able to complete their usual tasks.

*This does not mean we only do him good if he does good to us. Ephesians 5:24 "Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."

Some women say, “I'm not going to be subservient to a man,” or “to my husband,” like it’s a degrading thing.
The meaning of the word, SUBSERVIENT: 1: useful in an inferior capacity; 2: serving to promote some end; 3: obsequiously submissive(marked by or exhibiting a fawning attentiveness,(an example of this would be the woman who wiped Jesus’ feet with her hair. Not that we 'worship' our husbands, but we honor and reverence him. Ephesians 5:33b "and the wife see that she reverence her husband.").

WHY NOT be subservient?
Would we be subservient to our boss in a secular job? To the pastor in the church? Of course! So why not in the home, for our own husbands that God has given us? (Satan has perverted our thinking in this area.)

Let's look at Christ as a servant: Philippians 2:7-9 "But made himself of no reputation and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:"
Jesus Christ was God in the flesh, yet He came to earth to be a servant. Who washed the disciples' feet? And the apostle Paul said, in 1 Corinthians 9:19 "For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more. And in 1 Corinthians 7:22, "For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant." We serve others BECAUSE of what Christ did for us, not just to 'please men'.

Doing good for our husbands includes being encouraging, supportive, and in general, being a blessing. Being sure he has a packed lunch, ironing his clothes, shining his shoes, getting his coffee, etc. FIND OUT things he likes and how he likes them, and try to do them for him.
THE LITTLE THINGS can be a big blessing!! Write him a note occasionally and put it in his lunch or somewhere he will find it when he wakes up. Buy him a little treat when you go shopping. Send him a text message or an email during the day to tell him what a wonderful man he is, or how thankful to God you are for him. Just let him know you love him, and don't give other women a chance to gain his attention.
DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO CRITICIZE YOUR HUSBAND! -No matter what his faults may be.

Examples of doing evil would be:
-Doing things behind our husband’s back.
-Spending money foolishly.
-Lying to him.
-Criticizing him, especially to others, even jokingly.
-Purposefully doing things that you know irritate him.
-Thinking he isn’t important enough that you should do something for him.
-Talking negatively about him to your children.
-Telling personal things about him, especially his faults or lack of character.
-Comparing him to other husbands.
-Manipulating him.

WE JUST NEED TO MAKE HIM LOOK GOOD AND OVERLOOK SOME OF HIS FAULTS. WOULDN’T WE LIKE HIM TO DO THE SAME FOR US?

A marriage requires unselfishness, loyalty, humility, longsuffering, love, reverence, work, dedication, effort, but most importantly, Jesus Christ as the center. The closer we draw to HIM, the closer we will draw to each other.

GOD’S WORD WORKS!!!!